Airline Archetypes

So, I was supposed to return from a trip to Fargo, ND on Sunday afternoon but ended up arriving Monday evening due to the sad state of the airlines these days (I'm talking about YOU United Airlines and Northwest Airlines). I'm waiting to board my plane Sunday morning in Fargo and I hear that .... wait for it .... the plane that they sent has some sort of problem and needs a longer runway to land. Chicago O'Hare won't give them a long enough runway due to runway construction. Therefore the full plane will be too heavy to land and 14 of the 43 passengers cannot go.

The gate agent announces that they need 14 people to volunteer to take a later flight or the plane will not take off. He offers two round trip tickets and a hotel to take a later flight. I wasn't going to do it, until it got to be an hour after scheduled departure time and I already had missed my connection. So, I stayed overnight in Fargo and got up at 3 am the next morning to catch a 5 am flight on Northwest. I am about to board that plane when I'm informed I've been re-routed and now I am leaving at 11 am. I sit in the Fargo airport for 6 hours, watch them cancel their 8 am flight, and finally get out of Fargo. I have a 3 hour layover in Minneapolis where the same thing is happening to hundreds of other travelers because the NW pilots are staging a sick out.

Well, eventually I made it home and now have 2 round trip tickets anywhere in my pocket for my troubles. But during that whole ordeal, I observed some Airline Archetypes:

Standing next to the gate so I can be the first one in line guy = This was usually a man. Forties. Small carryon. Sometimes in a suit jacket. Sometimes talking on a bluetooth headset. Gets psyched out when the gate agent calls for preboarding of first class, "elite" passengers, handicapped, and little children. Runs to the front of the line so he can get in his seat and then wait for everyone else to do the same.

The Fishes = No matter what time of day, no matter how short the flight is, how overpriced it is, the fishes must have an alcoholic beverage on the flight just because they can. Hope that can of Bloody Mary mix was worth that $5. Usually a young attractive woman with her boyfriend/husband who thinks she is too cool for everyone else and feigns some sort of comraderie with the youngest female flight attendant.

Foreigners who don't speak english and are trusted to save the rest of us in an emergency = Don't know if this is an archetype, but two Chinese people who didn't speak english and didn't know each other just happened to be seated in the exit row. They nod and say yes to the stewardess' question, but during the drink service it dawns on her that they understand nothing. They are asked to switch seats in the middle of the flight with two first in line guys.

Middle aged sleepy, snoring woman = Sat by two of them. The first one didn't snore, but with the second one, I was afraid I was going to have a Seinfeld "Vegatable Lasagna" situation on my hands. But you could have worse rowmates, such as ....

Young couple with first child = Toddler is cute. Mom sings to her ... rolls eyes ... and they read the airline magazine. Things are fine until they tell her that she'll be getting juice and she screams "juuuc juuuc juuc" for the next 30 mins. Or ...

Old guy who thinks everyone wants to hear his life story = He talks loudly about his job, why he's on the plane, and takes out his digital camera to show everyone how fascinating he is.

Emo boy = Hair obviously dyed darker. Bangs cover one eye and he pets them often. Wide earring on top of one ear. Obnoxious graphic t-shirt of some fake band. Has collection of junk food. Watches some japanese anime on his video eyepod. Wears a tweed newsie hat. Looks at little kids with an expression of disdain.

Confused old folks = On the plane they get up to go to the bathroom and go to the opposite end of the plane as the lavoratory. On the ground they miss their plane even though they were sitting right there when the plane took off with empty seats because they didn't hear the boarding call only to be put on standby for an 11pm flight that is overbooked by 20.

The rebel = This guy is above the "law". He has to be told multiple times to turn off his cell phone. He bosses the flight attendants around and clearly wants to be treated like a first class passenger even though he is flying coach. He doesn't care about the fasten safety belt sign. He is important.

If you can think of any more, let me know. Or if you have any air travel horror stories, feel free to share.