Just call me Thomas

I think this week's sermon in the "My Secret Life" series is about doubt. Just a quick story from when I was involved in campus ministry.

I began attending the Wesley Student Center the first semester of my freshman year in college. It initially was a place for me to make friends that I could hang out with when my dorm friends were drinking at frat parties on Saturday nights. One Wednesday night meeting that I remember vividly was led by the campus minister. We were numbered off into small groups and given note cards. We were supposed to write down all the things that we were certain of in regards to our faith and then share them with our group. Each group would then report back to the larger group. I was paired with another freshman and Bonnie, a graduate student.

I was so nervous because honestly I didn't know what to write and just knew that Bonnie was going to fill up her card 3 times over. So, I went back to my Sunday school training and all the things I had heard other people say and wrote down things like, "Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary," "God created the heavens and the earth in 6 days and on the 7th day he rested," "Adam and Eve committed the original sin in the garden of Eden" etc. I probably had 6 or 7 items like this. When it came time, I shared mine, the other girl shared hers, and then it was Bonnie's turn. Bonnie, to my surprise, really only had one or two statements on her card. I believe they were something to the affect of "I believe in God and that God loves me" and "Because of Jesus I am forgiven." I was floored. Here was someone who was so much older and wiser (I know ... but at the time a grad student seemed like Solomon to me) and she could only state two things she knew for absolute certain. In that moment I had so much respect and love for her because I realized that she had doubts just like me and she wasn't ashamed of that.

Fast forward to four years later. I'm a senior and a peer minister and am leading midweek worship. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to do that same exercise. I had all the groups scatter and then brought them back together and tried to get volunteers to share with the group. When no one spoke up, I shared with them the story about me as a freshman and Bonnie. I read them what I had my card and it was a few simple statements about my beliefs. When I was done, another senior who had been in the group with me since we were both freshman, Emily, spoke up. Emily was the model of what a good person and "good" Christian should be. She never swore, she was modest, she was kind to everyone, she volunteered her time, she visited the old folks home every month, she (no kidding) could play every song in the Methodist hymnal from memory, she sang in the choir, etc. With near tears in her eyes but a smile on her face she told me that she was overjoyed when she heard that neither Bonnie nor I were absolutely certain about a whole lot of things. She said that she doubted constantly but never felt like she could ever say that to anyone in our group. It was a relief and surprise to learn that she wasn't alone.

After that I always felt a special connection with her. Before I saw her as someone I should attain to be like, but who also made me feel kind of uncomfortable because I was guilty that I couldn't seem to be as faithful as her. But after that night, when we bonded over our doubts I regretted that I had wasted all those years not getting to know her better and sharing more of our spiritual journey.

The point of relating the entire proceeding story is that if anyone is reading this, I hope they not only know that it is ok to have doubts, but also know that by sharing those doubts it can bring us closer together as a community of faith. Being honest about this is not a weakness that will drive people away, but a strength that will ultimately attract people to us. I'll admit right now that from the age of 16 to 28 I've gone back and forth from being a faithful Christian and church attendee to a non-believer probably four times. I must've read Mere Christianity five times between ages 19 and 23 just to try and shake my doubts about God. I still don't know if I believe in many of the miracles described in the Bible - depends what day you catch me on.


Don't know what made me think about that tonight, but felt the urge to write it down.

We’re all "seekers"

My church is doing a series that is targeted particularly towards those who perhaps aren't yet Christians or attend church regularly. I think this is a good thing and have been surprised recently to find that there are some people I know who don't agree and I never would've guessed it. I haven't gotten into the specifics of why they feel that way exactly with them, but I can imagine what some of those reasons may be. I was involved in a campus ministry in college and always felt uneasiness each year when it came time for the campus activity fair. Something about sitting at a booth and trying to sign up new members like it was just another club didn't seem right. Or, staking out the front of the library and hassling people who at best viewed you as a nuisance and at worst felt embarrassed or guilty to ignore you. I think that perhaps they may see things like publicizing this new series with door hangers or mailings or special invites as maybe tarnishing an image somehow.

I kind have to come to the conclusion that those that view "church people" as a nuisance are going to feel that way whether we do these things to try and reach them or not, so why not try? They also might be feeling that targeting this segment of people will lead to a church that is only concerned with getting people in the door and doesn't deepen their understanding once they're there. To that I'd say, 1) have faith in your leadership that they won't let this happen, and 2) I don't think you can ever become so "advanced" in your spiritual journey that it won't help you go back to the "basics."

The other thing that I've had on my mind is perhaps a matter of semantics, or perhaps bothers no one but me, but since I've moved to Nashville I've encountered a term that I had never heard before ( no, I don't mean "fixin to", "might can", or "toboggan") "un-churched." I don't know the origin of this word. Seems to me it could either be a old-timey or southern slang word for those that don't attend church, or, it could be someone's attempt at a politically correct turn of phrase to replace a more derogatory term. I think the reason that I cringe every time that Pete uses the word is that to me "un-churched" implies that there are two groups of people, the "churched" and the "un-churched." Since we are sitting in a church, obviously we must think that being "churched" is the way to go and therefore being "un-churched" is bad. As Christians, of course we are inclined to believe that the state of being apart from God is bad and we want those people to find God. Calling someone "un-churched" is just too close to calling someone "unclean" too me. If I were a person unfamiliar with Christianity and seeking some answers and sat at a service where I was referred to as being "unchurched", I don't know that I'd stay.

And that brings me to another word - "seeker." Also, up until now I had never heard the term "seeker church." From what I can tell, this kind of has a negative connotation. A seeker church seems to refer to churches that do everything they can to attract as many people as possible, usually who have no prior experience with Christianity. Usually they are very large, promote and advertise themselves very well, have all the bells and whistles, charismatic leaders, youth-oriented, contemporary worship, big budget, but little actual fellowship, discipleship or service takes place. I did attend a place like this once in Nashville and didn't go back because it felt a little cold and unauthentic for my taste.

The thing is, I'm willing to bet that most people in places like that truly have the best of intentions. I also bet that the person who first coined that phrase "seeker" really was just trying to describe the people that they felt the Lord truly wanted us as a universal church to reach out to. Those people who are seeking something more. And the thing is, I don't think that once we've accepted the Gospel message that we cease to be seekers. Just like in the education field they talk a lot about creating "lifelong learners," Christians are lifelong seekers.

Sorry for the incoherent ramblings. They're not intended to be a rant, just an outlet for my thoughts and opinions. Feel free to comment if you agree, disagree, or just want to throw a rotten tomato at me.

Airline Archetypes

So, I was supposed to return from a trip to Fargo, ND on Sunday afternoon but ended up arriving Monday evening due to the sad state of the airlines these days (I'm talking about YOU United Airlines and Northwest Airlines). I'm waiting to board my plane Sunday morning in Fargo and I hear that .... wait for it .... the plane that they sent has some sort of problem and needs a longer runway to land. Chicago O'Hare won't give them a long enough runway due to runway construction. Therefore the full plane will be too heavy to land and 14 of the 43 passengers cannot go.

The gate agent announces that they need 14 people to volunteer to take a later flight or the plane will not take off. He offers two round trip tickets and a hotel to take a later flight. I wasn't going to do it, until it got to be an hour after scheduled departure time and I already had missed my connection. So, I stayed overnight in Fargo and got up at 3 am the next morning to catch a 5 am flight on Northwest. I am about to board that plane when I'm informed I've been re-routed and now I am leaving at 11 am. I sit in the Fargo airport for 6 hours, watch them cancel their 8 am flight, and finally get out of Fargo. I have a 3 hour layover in Minneapolis where the same thing is happening to hundreds of other travelers because the NW pilots are staging a sick out.

Well, eventually I made it home and now have 2 round trip tickets anywhere in my pocket for my troubles. But during that whole ordeal, I observed some Airline Archetypes:

Standing next to the gate so I can be the first one in line guy = This was usually a man. Forties. Small carryon. Sometimes in a suit jacket. Sometimes talking on a bluetooth headset. Gets psyched out when the gate agent calls for preboarding of first class, "elite" passengers, handicapped, and little children. Runs to the front of the line so he can get in his seat and then wait for everyone else to do the same.

The Fishes = No matter what time of day, no matter how short the flight is, how overpriced it is, the fishes must have an alcoholic beverage on the flight just because they can. Hope that can of Bloody Mary mix was worth that $5. Usually a young attractive woman with her boyfriend/husband who thinks she is too cool for everyone else and feigns some sort of comraderie with the youngest female flight attendant.

Foreigners who don't speak english and are trusted to save the rest of us in an emergency = Don't know if this is an archetype, but two Chinese people who didn't speak english and didn't know each other just happened to be seated in the exit row. They nod and say yes to the stewardess' question, but during the drink service it dawns on her that they understand nothing. They are asked to switch seats in the middle of the flight with two first in line guys.

Middle aged sleepy, snoring woman = Sat by two of them. The first one didn't snore, but with the second one, I was afraid I was going to have a Seinfeld "Vegatable Lasagna" situation on my hands. But you could have worse rowmates, such as ....

Young couple with first child = Toddler is cute. Mom sings to her ... rolls eyes ... and they read the airline magazine. Things are fine until they tell her that she'll be getting juice and she screams "juuuc juuuc juuc" for the next 30 mins. Or ...

Old guy who thinks everyone wants to hear his life story = He talks loudly about his job, why he's on the plane, and takes out his digital camera to show everyone how fascinating he is.

Emo boy = Hair obviously dyed darker. Bangs cover one eye and he pets them often. Wide earring on top of one ear. Obnoxious graphic t-shirt of some fake band. Has collection of junk food. Watches some japanese anime on his video eyepod. Wears a tweed newsie hat. Looks at little kids with an expression of disdain.

Confused old folks = On the plane they get up to go to the bathroom and go to the opposite end of the plane as the lavoratory. On the ground they miss their plane even though they were sitting right there when the plane took off with empty seats because they didn't hear the boarding call only to be put on standby for an 11pm flight that is overbooked by 20.

The rebel = This guy is above the "law". He has to be told multiple times to turn off his cell phone. He bosses the flight attendants around and clearly wants to be treated like a first class passenger even though he is flying coach. He doesn't care about the fasten safety belt sign. He is important.

If you can think of any more, let me know. Or if you have any air travel horror stories, feel free to share.

Solsbury Hill

I stumbled across a syllabus for a course called Contageous Christianity and the second lesson is titled The Bridge of Popular Culture.  In it, the author states that "We are all fish and culture is the water we swim in."  He talks of two opposing views of contemporary culture, the "Christ Against Culture" stance versus the "Christ the Transformer of Culture" stance.  Here's an excerpt:

"Fortunately, the "Christ Against Culture" stance is not the only one available to Christians.  Another classic response to the "eternal problem" is what Niebuhr terms "Christ the Transformer of Culture."  In my view, it is the most helpful one for Christians seeking, as Colson puts it, to "address the human condition at its point of felt need."  An adherent to this perspective "finds room for affirmative and ordered response on the part of created man to the creative, ordering work of God; even though the creature may go about his work unwillingly as he tills the ground, cultivates his mind, and organizes his society, and though he may administer perversely the order given him with his existence."[4]

John 1:1-5 makes the point eloquently:  "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God, all things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made.  In him was life, and the light was the light of men.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (RSV; emphasis supplied)

Simply put, God made all of us:  the Christian and the unchurched, the accountant and the rock star, the professor and the junkie, the soccer mom and the screenwriter.  Because He made us, He abides in us until the day we die.  Because He abides in us, so too does His goodness, and though we may try to throttle or ignore or extinguish it, His goodness and mercy continually manifest themselves.  We are spirit, we find no rest save in Him, at some level our spirits forever seek him, and this yearning is reflected in our cultural productions.

The Songs

One of the most striking demonstrations of this may be found by taking seriously the frequency with which spiritual themes—especially Christian themes—appear in popular music. Following are the lyrics from several compact discs. I didn't have to search far to find them. They're merely CDs which I happen to own. I've limited the number of songs to twelve, though I could easily multiply that number several times over. The lyrics fall into three, sometimes overlapping categories: those in which the Christian motif is obvious and affirming; those which reflect Christian values; and those which reflect what might be called a wrestling with God at the point of felt need. "

The first song on his list is Solsbury Hill.  It is a song I always liked but never listened to that closely.  When I saw the lyrics printed and the authors introduction, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I had totally been missing out by not actually hearing the lyrics:

"First on the list is Peter Gabriel's "Solsbury Hill," from his maiden solo album in 1977.  I have so far been unable to discover what prompted Gabriel to write the song, but it is impossible to miss several Christian elements:  an encounter with the supernatural, who promises to take the singer "home;" a sense of disillusionment with and alienation from the world; a clear choice whether or not to follow this supernatural voice; and of course the obvious reference to Christ's first miracle.  All in all, the song is a modern retelling of Paul's Damascus Experience.

Peter Gabriel, "Solsbury Hill"

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
Had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
I just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom boom boom
"Son," he said, "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."

To keepin' silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Tho' my life was in a rut
'Till I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going  boom boom boom
"Hey," he said, "grab your things, I've come to take you home."

When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes, but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey," I said, "You can keep my things, they've come to take me home."

For the rest of the article: http://radicalcivility.org/cc/bridge.htm

I hope my website had a 401K ...

Well, I've made the decision to retire my aaronolson.org website. It's purpose was to act as my online portfolio and now I'm satisfied that at least for the immediate future I won't be changing jobs. It didn't make sense any more to pay for hosting when there are free options that will meet my shrinking needs. I'll keep the domain in case I need to put it back up. I'll replace it with a combination of this blog and a new myspace page.

Myspace Address: www.myspace.com/olson_aaron

What I'm Listening To ... May

So this month I've discovered The Clarks, Red Wanting Blue, Jeff Buckley, and Ryan Adams. My top 10 songs I've played over and over recently are:

1. Finger in the Air - Red Wanting Blue
2. Saturday - The Clarks
3. Better Off Without You - The Clarks
4. Lover You Should've Come Over - Jeff Buckley
5. Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams
6. Stop! - The Clarks
7. To Be Young (Is to be sad, Is to be high) - Ryan Adams
8. Born Too Late - The Clarks
9. Last Call - The Clarks
10. Nuclear - Ryan Adams

I Hope You Like Pain!!!

I've seen the backflip guy part before, but the entire video is really funny. My absolute favorite part is after backflip guy lands on his head, gets up and twirls his nunchucks, and then falls down again a woman says "Oh God are you alright?" and another woman answers, "No. He's not."

My Favorite Songwriter

Even if you have never heard of Darrell Scott, chances are you may have heard one of his songs. Many popular country artists have recorded and had hits with Darrell Scott songs (Long Time Gone - which won a Grammy) and he has won several prestigious songwriter of the year awards. He sits in with the Nashville Chamber Orchaestra in their accoustic cafe series and is known as an incredible guitar player.

While I'm not a big country music fan, Darrell's music I'd classify as roots or americana. If you haven't heard him, check out his most recent album Invisible Man (2006), Theatre of the Unheard (2003), or Family Tree (1999). Read More

Darrell Scott on Billboard Underground

Welcome the Amazing Barney

Well, I'm now the second smartest person living in my apartment. Today I adopted the smartest little dog. His name is Barney and he is a 7 year old Boston Terrier. Boston's have been nicknamed the American Gentleman and it totally fits Barney. He weighs in at 17 lbs, so he is a small guy. He was raised by an elderly man who had to go live in a nursing home so he hadn't much experience riding in cars. He barked quite a bit while in the car, but outside of the car he hasn't barked once. Barney is different in the fact that he is deaf. You probably wouldn't even know this if no one told you. At first he ran around the house like a madman getting used to his new surroundings. He likes to sit on the couch and look out the patio doors at the ducks and geese outside. He wants to go everywhere you go and sits right beside you. He likes rope toys and chew toys. I'm sure his exploits will make it into future entries.

Update 6:36 pm

Well, Barney does bark when he knows I'm going to leave him. But, it seems to be for attention rather than real seperation anxiety. What I did was close him in the bedroom and ignore his barking and after about 5 minutes he was quiet as a mouse. I left him there for about 1/2 hr and when I opened the door he had curled up on the bed. Also, when he needed to go out he found the front door and touched the doorknob and looked at me. I thought it was funny that he lifted his leg at the fire hydrant first (how cliche Barney!).

Update 3/14/07 - Barney Video

http://www.aaronolson.org/barney.swf

Amen Break

This is a fascinating video that explains how a 6 second drum break from a B-Side of a record released in 1969 is everywhere in the world of music even today, nearly 40 years later. It also explores issues of copyright and intellectual property. Warning: the video is nearly 20 min long but well worth it.

Hockey and the DissapointingBowl

This weekend was eventful for two reasons and I'll talk about the good one first. I went to my first NHL game ever: the Nashville Predators vs. the Anaheim (no longer Mighty) Ducks. Wow, color me impressed. Growing up in Peoria, I have been to minor league hockey games and knew that live hockey games were really fun. But the Predators experience was far better than watching the Rivermen. The talent level was very evident. The speed, puck-handling and goaltending was amazing. I enjoyed the NHL better than NFL, MLB and NBA games that I've been to because of the closeness to the ice and the constant motion. What they say is true, the game does not translate well to tv. Now, if they would just lower the ticket prices. I would love to go more often, but truth be told I wouldn't even have gone to this game had I not gotten free tickets (thanks NH!). Hockey would be much bigger I think if they would make the tickets more affordable.

Now to the bad part of the weekend -- the Super Bowl. It wasn't so super. I suppose it was too much to hope for that both my teams - the Cardinals and Bears - would win championships in the same year. While I'm not going to lay the blame at Rex Grossman's feet, I do think that I'm at the point where I won't defend him either. He's got a ton of talent and potential, but it appears that he will never shake that bad decision making. The bigger reason for the loss IMO was the play of the defense - particularly up the middle. Tommie Harris would've made a huge difference getting push up the middle and allowing Urlacher to run free. I also think that in order to play the cover 2 you need to have two good safeties and the Bears without Mike Brown don't have one. The corners did an admirable job, but had to give a huge cushion because I don't think they could trust Chris Harris to have their back. Hopefully next year they get some help at safety, tight end and o-line and maybe find another answer at QB.

Snowfall Over Nashville

So, last night for the first time since I've lived in Nashville we got snow that stuck to the ground. When I woke up we had 2 or 3 inches. Boy was I in for a surprise on my way into work. I had heard rumblings for a few days leading up to the great event that should've clued me in to the fact that even a little snow becomes a major event. They closed school yesterday just because of the possibility of snow (that never came) for pete's sake. They called it off again today even though the roads were passable.

The problem has nothing to do with unprepared municipal workers, limited snowplows and salt trucks, etc. It is the drivers who loose their minds at the sight of the white stuff. Here a list of drivers I encountered just on my short drive into work today:

1. The guy driving 20 mph over the speed limit while talking on his cell phone on slushy roads.
2. The two city buses traveling NO KIDDING 4 MPH. They were causing more problems for the cars having to slow up behind them than anything else.
3. The guy driving down West End with his door open.
4. The people who refuse to account for longer stopping distances on sloppy roads.
5. The multiple drivers who saw a car spun out up ahead so they decided it would be more prudent to do a u-turn on a road with no divider on the top of a hill and go the other way!
6. This is the best. There was one guy who was purposefully driving in the slush covered parts of the road rather than those cleared by the previous cars.

All this being said, I'm glad the snowfall is a rare occurrence here. I hate the snow more and more each year. It is rather amazing to see snow collecting on Magnolia trees though.

What I'm Listening To .... Feb, 2007

Frankly, I never know what to write in a blog. I guess I'm just not that interesting. Not to mention that I'm probably the only person who will ever read this. So, for my first entry I'll just use my current playlist.

Congratulations - Blue October & Imogen Heap
Hotel Song - Regina Spektor
Teenagers - My Chemical Romance
Good Time - Leroy
Bullet - Mat Kearney
One Day - KT Tunstall
Family Tree - Darrell Scott
Manifest Destiny - Guster
Be Your Love - Rachel Yamagata
Everyday I Love You Less and Less - Kaiser Chiefs
Goodnight, Goodnight - Hot Hot Heat
Let's Call It a Life - Darrell Scott
Hank Williams' Ghost - Darrell Scott
Different When It Comes to You - Bruce Cockburn
Shout Out Loud - Amos Lee
Colorful - Rocco DeLuca & The Burden
Fighting For My Love - Nil Lara
Good Idea At The Time - OK GO
Whole 'Nutha Thang - Keb' Mo'